Why I won’t give up sugar for Lent

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Picture4It starts with the slide of the door along carpet. The little footsteps. My glance at the clock proves right – it’s too early to be up.

Anger rolls over beside me, rubbing its eyes.

We eat breakfast, and the yogurt is the wrong color. The wind is sending ghostly whips of snow across the yard. The twins wake up in the middle of my first cup of coffee, owlish and out of sorts. The laundry pile has reached epic proportions. There’s enough milk for one more bowl of cereal.

Anger simmers, waiting.

And then it happens. My toddler and I square off against something meaningless – not wanting to wear pants, giving up her nook, taking something from her baby sisters.

Anger EXPLODES.

I fear this ever-present emotion that overtakes me most days. Honestly, it makes me want to give up. Until today. Because today, I’m deciding to give IT up instead.

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Some people give up sweets for Lent. Others give up coffee, pop, or caffeine in its entirety. Huffington Post suggested fried food, cigars, or devices.

I can’t help this nagging feeling that something about this is all a little off. If I give up something I enjoy in order to remind myself of Jesus, and then I start wanting that thing but can’t have it because I’m remembering Jesus, I’m going to get cranky. And if I’m cranky, I’ll start associating semi-bitter or negative feelings with Easter.

That seems a little, well, backwards.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m not strong enough to work past the unhappy feelings I think I’d have if I gave up something I really enjoyed. Weak character? Faulty theology? Blatant misunderstanding? All very possible.

But if Lent truly is a season “to rid ourselves of all that prevents us from living a truly Christian life”, I have to wonder how far giving up little luxuries like sugar and meat and cigars is going to go.

This year, I want to try something different. This year, I’m giving up anger for Lent.

No more yelling.

No more face flushing, fast pulsing, blood pressure spikes.

No more disappointments that burrow into a den of resentment.

I live with the flashing of anger every day. I also eat sweets and drink caffeine. None of them are particularly good for me. Here’s where I see the difference though. I know how to tame my cravings for sugar and coffee into moderation. But anger is never moderate. I never feel halfheartedly mad.

When anger comes, it overtakes everything. It is mental and it is physical. It affects my ability to love those around me, and it crowds out my capacity to carry grace.

If I’m going to give something up to better remind myself of the meaning of Easter, shouldn’t it be something that Jesus himself asked of his friends? For example – in the garden on the night of his arrest, Jesus told his disciple Peter, “Put your sword back in its place, for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.” (Matthew 26:52)

Here’s where I’m going with this. I’ve celebrated Easter since before I could eat Cadbury eggs. But this year, I want it to be different. I want more from the story, because soon I’ll be teaching it to my little girls. And in order to be a good story-teller, I need to engage with the story.

I don’t want to just read a few verses, go to a couple of services, and call it good. If I think this story of redemption and grace is important in my life, I need to LIVE in the mystery of the plot. For me, and for this Lent season, that means cutting out something that separates me from living in grace.

Right. So, it’s all fine and good to talk churchy and idealistic, but I also need to have a plan. Here are some tools I’m hoping to employ.

Going to bed earlier. I can’t stop the girls from getting up in the middle of the night. Nor can I convince Ellis to stop getting up earlier and earlier. But mama, it’s light outside! But my ability to rein in negative emotions is severely impaired when I’m tired. So early bedtime it is. Like 9:00 early. Sigh. I’ll clean my house another year.

Void_Space_by_Maandersen Image replacement. This is a little weird, but I want to have an image in my head to replace my feelings of anger when they come. Call it a new focal point – something to keep me steady. My image is going to be a space void. Yep. A big, open, solar void. I’m smart enough to know I won’t be able to replace mad feelings with happy feelings. But mad feelings with nothing? With space? With silence? With void? I don’t know why, but I think it can work.

Deep breathing. This is completely rote, but it also works. If I can remember to close my eyes and take a solid, in-through-the-nose-out-through-the-mouth breath, I will give myself pause enough to assess the situation, think about the void, and slowly back down.

Prayer. Nothing flowery. Straight up “God REALLY please help me out here” will do the trick.

Redirection. Once I’m off the ledge, I want to remember why I’m doing this in the first place. I want to remember the story of Jesus in the season of Easter. Not to be a better person, but to be a stronger believer. A sturdier story-teller.

It’s a tall order, and to be unabashedly honest, I’m not sure how it’s going to go. Anger comes when I’m tired. It rears after the babies having been screaming in tandem for more than five minutes. It’s red hot when Ellis dumps bowls of spaghetti sauce on the floor, or kicks me in the chin when I’m trying to cajole her into pajamas. It stews quietly when the temperature drops and we’re all faced with another day inside the house.

But Lent was meant to be a challenge. A challenge to deny myself for the sake of the cross. So why not deny a character quality I want to prune out? Why not choose something I want to keep giving up after the 40 days of Lent are over?

Why not do something that makes me more like the Jesus I want to remember?

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Do you have a great idea of something to give up for Lent? I’d love to hear what it is, and why you picked it.

183 thoughts on “Why I won’t give up sugar for Lent”

  1. Beautiful post. This Lent I’ve decided to give up yelling. I come from a long, looong, line of yellers, and its time for that to stop. Yelling only ever makes us feel worse, and my kids (5yo, 2yo, 1yo) deserve better.

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  2. Strife – worry, with a bit of added anxiety, a twisted gut, and tension headache. My favorite bit of fleshly doubt that I would LOVE to give up. And consequently, quite closely related to that anger thing. Thanks for sharing, Rachel, much needed encouragement.

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  4. Love this. You’ll have to post on how you feel at the end of it. I’m doing a reading challenge by Margaret Feinberg, reading the entire NT for Lent, so it means giving up 30 minutes of TV each night to do it. I think I can handle it.

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  5. My sister and I are fighters. Tough, go at it, come to blows fighters. Over the stupidest things!! So for this Lent my mom has told us that we need to give up fighting. Not just fighting, but all negativity. For 40 days and 40 nights.

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  9. Yes, Lent was meant to be a challenge..After all God gave up himself for Lent..I actually wrote a post about Lent on Ash Wednesday..Even as little as a year ago, never thought I’d post about Lent! What one gives up is very personal, indeed, and doesn’t just have to be tangible things..Although this year I gave up meat for the 40 days of Lent..If I can keep it up I’m hopeful at the end of it I’ll have it out of my system and can finally cross over to be a vegitarian…2 thumbs UP on your write!

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  10. I give up sweets as my tangible sacrifice every year, but also give up a few emotions and then like to add something – bible study, volunteer work, a new donation… I find it takes all three to help bring me back to center during these 40 days. 🙂

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    • Rightly said – It’s getting to Jesus, the center of the holiday, that should be our motivator for doing anything with the traditions of Lent. May your practice be particularly meaningful this year.

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  11. Great post! I can relate. The last few years I’ve given up swearing for Lent. I have a potty mouth in the car. This year I gave up even more complaining, blaming, judging and swearing. It’s my journey to use my mouth for good instead of evil.

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    • Great journey – a hard one, but well worth it. My daughter is starting to get to the parrot stage, so I know the importance of keeping a clean mouth. Funny how it often starts with a clean, un-angry heart… 🙂

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    • Want to know something funny? I’m not Catholic either. 🙂 (I am a member of the Christian Missionary Alliance.) But I really think that Lent, when done right, has the capability to be a great way to focus on how Jesus truly wants us to live.

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  19. I enjoyed this post! I like how you didn’t refer to your vices or habits as “bad”, but that they were something that “separates me from living in grace”. Also, have you heard of or thought of the Onaroo OK alarm clock for the little ones to give you a little more sleep?
    Erin

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    • Erin, funny you mention that! I just ordered the Ok to Wake Owl yesterday after some good prompting! Ah, vices. In and of themselves, not bad. Sugar? Great for baking! Coffee? Necessary! Even anger, in it’s right place, is not a bad thing. But when it overtakes me the way I feel it does, that’s when I know it’s causing a separation that I need to fix. Thanks!

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  22. I read somewhere recently about a similar idea: not giving up something material, such as sugar or coffee, but giving up negativity instead. I think your idea of giving up anger is a great goal and I especially agree with the first step on your list. I would like to give up worrying for Lent. Unfortunately, though, I have a reason to worry so giving it up is easier said than done!

    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. 🙂

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  23. Reblogged this on O'lee Branch and commented:
    Wonderful post!

    This Lent period, I want to eat clean. That means, no fatty oily stuff, cake… Lord help me; I need a different route home so I don’t pass by Hot Loaf Pastry shop, I miss their chocolate muffins already! It also means, no croissants for the next 30 or so days…

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    • There are so many parallels you can make between eating clean and being clean through the work that Jesus did on the Cross. I applaud your efforts, and hope you find an acceptable detour home. 🙂

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  24. I think it’s wonderful that you have dug deeper than most for your belief system. I agree I think in most belief systems that require a sacrifice most ppl are likely to take the easiest one.
    I am not sure about not having anger. There is nothing wrong with any emotion. Emotions just are. How we express them gives the pos/neg connotation.

    That said I’d like to give u some other ideas. I’ve found tapping as they do in EFT works wonders for me. I also do better since reading about emotional intelligence especially in kids so I can work out where they r coming from other than the perceived notion that they r doing it to drive me nuts. The biggest thing I’ve found is when I’m not in the moment & I feel like I’d rather be doing something else, had planned on doing something else, thinking about bills, what to cook or chores left to do all makes it harder to have patience. Sleep is vastly important too as u do have an easier time when u aren’t as whiny & sookie as the kids lol.
    I hope it all goes well for u and I hope u give yourself credit for being aware and focusing on change if you happen to slip up by some chance. Good luck!

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    • I agree – there’s nothing wrong with well-placed, righteous anger. Sometimes it’s necessary. But I felt like the anger I was experiencing on an every day basis wasn’t that type. It was the hot-headed rush of negativity, and it was most often directed at my family members. Sigh. Just not the person I want to be, and certainly not any more like Jesus, who I’m trying to focus on this Lenten season. Thanks for the kindness!

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      • It does kind of bum u out when u realize it and/or seeing yourself doing it but how joyous is it that you are changing now when your kids are still young so that your kids have a better role model for dealing with emotions and you get to have more loving times with them. I know MANY parents that are similar and most of the anger stems from feeling unappreciated and that parenthood wasn’t as regularly glorious as they were lead to believe

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      • Ha. I’m still laughing at the idea of regularly glorious parenting. 🙂 I think that’s the kind that shows up when Giselle breastfeeds before a photo shoot… and not what happens day to day on my little farm. The glorious moments though – they make it all worthwhile.

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  27. A brilliant idea. I was giving up chocolate until I had a similar thought. Giving up chocolate doesn’t achieve much except making me grumpy. So I decided to give up my iPod and read The Bible instead 😉

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    • Thank you! Life with little ones is such a constantly mixed up bag of emotions. I love it… and I also sometimes fear it. But I do see it driving me to my knees more often, which is where God wants me to be.

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  29. Great ideas about living Christianity, after all isn’t the practice what it’s really all about? I really enjoyed your heart felt and thoughtful writing as well. Thanks.

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    • Thanks! Ah the practice – so much is about how we actually, day to day, LIVE – not just how often we go to church. This is where I’m so thankful that the bible is a “living and active word”.

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    • THANK YOU! Ugh. Cleaning… such a necessary annoyance! Most of the time it’s just triage around here. Twin 7m olds and a toddler don’t leave me much time for dusting the windowsills. 🙂 And that’s the way it should be.

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  31. I only stumbled upon your post by accident, but wow, I am so glad I did. A great blog and what a wonderful thing to give up for Lent – anger. Giving up something negative instead of something you like in your life is such a simple idea that I wonder why I never thought of it over all the Lents I have had in my life. I have always given up things for Lent which I have liked, but your blog will certainly now change all of that. Thanks again Nate.

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  32. I LOVE your post. I am in a season of trying to reduce anger, impatience and negativity. Through friends, prayer, a book study (Unglued), and determination, it has been much better. I have been able to interrupt those emotions/bad habits and replace with a smile, laughter or a few words with God. I hope you find your peace during Lent and please have a sugar-covered, jelly donut just for me. 🙂

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    • Done and done – my sweet tooth is a mile long. 🙂 I’m happy to hear you’ve been able to find ways to work through the negative feelings that so easily overtake. I like the idea of interrupting the emotions. Thanks!

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  37. Your writing is brilliant; it flows so effortlessly from one thought to the next. Truly a delight to read.
    I’m just getting started here and am quite busy with other banal necessities of life so I probably won’t really drive into writing until April or so.
    I don’t practice Catholic traditions, but I totally agree with you about choosing something that you will still want to give up after 40 days of Lent are over… Something that actually shapes the character of Christ in your life. Well said.

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  38. Wow wow wow!!!!! Why not give up something I want to keep giving up, something to make me more like Jesus – your words are very powerful, and have caused me literally to stop. Think. Wow. Yes. Thank you!

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  39. This is a great post! Found it by “accident”. I do have to say that giving up things like chocolate or sugar for Lent is perfectly alright, but what is missing by a lot of people is the reason why we are giving up something. I “gave up sugar” for Lent one year because it was doing a lot of damage to my health. I was drinking 2L of pop a day at work and a bag a day of jujubes, it was not good. I had to really rely on God’s strength to help me not drink so much pop or eat candy all day long. I might have thought I was “giving up sugar” for Lent, but I eventually realised that my sugar habit was really a manifestation of anxiety. I’m still in the learning process of giving God my worries and fears instead turning to candy when I’m nervous or anxious.

    Thanks for your inspiring post!

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    • Agreed – the usual things people give up can certainly be useful tools. I just knew that they weren’t going to work for me, and that there was something bigger that was/is getting in my way. Very insightful to realize that your sugar habit was actually an anxiety. Keep trusting – God is fully capable of meeting all your needs. Best!

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  40. I’ve given up sugar and am finding that every time I reach for that sneaky little treat a voice in my head says “All this I did for you. Is even this so hard for you to do?” I’m finding it a good learning experience.

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  41. I think you have a way better understanding of Lent than most people. I personally am of a different Christian denomination and don’t celebrate Lent but I am familiar with associates or friends choosing the types of things you’ve described, and in asking about Lent, it’s purpose, I always felt like maybe it was being misused, too. Like I said, I’m not quite the same religion but I think you understand it better.

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    • I love it – my denomination (christian missionary alliance) doesn’t actually celebrate Lent either. I’ve just always been curious about the tradition’s ability to bring me into a deeper understanding of the cross. I think Lent has the capability to be so powerful if people re-envision the concept and make it personal.

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  44. I am totally with you. I gave up sugar and it makes me feel like I can do better than that. If a little bit of sugar in my coffee is going to help me give up something bigger, like anger, than I am going to join you!

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  45. Having been in churches that celebrate Lent – I have to agree with you. It needs to be a time of reflecting on Jesus and his love – a time that draws us closer to God – not a time that we miss the caffeine because of the headache it is causing or missing the beer so much we have a wine cooler.

    I am now involved in a Christian church that doesn’t celebrate Lent because it is not biblical – but I do celebrate the idea of making ourselves ready for Christ and focusing on the true meaning of life in Christ. I believe that if 40 days of giving up something to be closer to him is working – then do it. To put ashes on forehead and begin the 40 day countdown of feeling rejected and you failed to achieve. If fail to live up because you cannot go two days let alone 40 days without sugar is not a way to draw closer to God – it is in your words “Why not do something that makes me more like the Jesus I want to remember?” Thanks for sharing love your blog.

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    • Thanks Cathy – the tools that point us to reflect are so important, no matter what church we go to. I don’t attend a Lent celebrating church either (I’m a member of the Christian Missionary Alliance) but I love the idea of making more space in the time before Easter to really give pause and remember the cross.

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  48. Great post! I actually took a fresh approach this year, too, but it does not necessarily mean giving up anything. I want to appreciate Jesus more, and prepare myself for Easter. So I am adding in more prayer, more reading, more reflection. This may mean less Facebook, less junk food (distracting to feel bloated all the time!), and less alcohol (can’t reflect when I’m zonked out on the couch with a glass of pinot grigio unfinished on the table). I guess you could say that the goal is reversed – not to sacrifice but to contemplate, and the act of contemplation is manifested by cleansing myself of unnecessary distractions. I think it’s working 😉

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