Fellow Passengers

Today’s Costco grocery trip by the numbers:

2 adults, (one a very kind and brave soul), 1 toddler, 2 almost three month old twins.

1 vomit incident involving gum and chocolate covered acai berries. 3 surpressed gag reflexes. 1 complete toddler outfit change. 1 hand and face washing.

Roughly 9 samples eaten. 14 items stacked around 2 car seats and said toddler. Including 1 jumbo toilet paper pack. 27 pitying looks from fellow shoppers.

2 screaming twins. 2 bottles mixed in the cafe area. 1 toddler escapee announcing to nearby onlookers that she is running away. 1 icecube eaten off the floor. 3 more gag reflex surpressions. 1 toddler strapped into the shopping cart and given a phone with a flashcard app.

1 suspicious baby toot. 3 strains. 1 attempted outfit save. 1 epic failure. 1 diaper blowout. 2 adults changing 1 baby covered in what seemed like 19 gallons of yellow goo poo. 1 discovery that the diaper bag outfits were for newborns. 1 baby looking like a sausage in a too small sleeper.

1 appropriately timed diaper change conducted in the appropriate bathroom location. 47 words exchanged with husband on the phone about a home arrival time. 2 precariously stacked carts exiting the store. 14 items placed in the back of the van. 3 children strapped into car seats.

1 hug of complete and unabashed gratitude exchanged with brave friend. 147 minutes spent in mild insanity. 5 seconds worrying about blood pressure. 1 tank of club member gas. 3 minutes spent figuring out if budget was kept in tact.

7 minutes spent plotting how to make trips to the store easier.

32 seconds realizing this is impossible.

11 swallows of lukewarm diet coke.

62 minutes home.

1. Heavy. Sigh.